| Manufacturer: | Scratch |
by Jody Dorsett
 Mammoth Missle Works |
In t' year 2215 George Gomez Bush desired to eat a simple taco. However, due t' t' recent case o' Hartsock v. McWendy's, fast grub vendors were carefull nay only t' disclose t' health risks, arrr, but t' indemnify themselves against t' medical problems, that fast food created. So they gave him a 20 page contract for him t' sign.
George Gomez Bush...or "Gomes" t' his friends had had enough. Shortly thereafter he launched his bid for t' World Presidency on t' platform of "If you can't understand t' law, and your friends can't understand the law, then t' law needs t' be changed."
T' World Bar Assocition noted with horror t' efforts o' t' laymen t' intrude on their territory, me bucko, ya bilge rat, their livelihood. They spent billions t' try and brin' down t' contender for t' Presidency o' t' Earth. Well, matey, blow me down! All t' no avail...the people had clearly had enough as well.And in November o' 2215 GGB was elected President.
At what was t' be t' last official meetin' o' t' World Bar Association in 2216 they decided upon a drastic course o' action. They would form an action front t' stop t' reform movement.That fateful decision would spell their doom. Several radical members o' t' WBAAC formed a splinter group that called themselves "T' Sharks". T' Sharks were dedicated to t' destruction o' President-Elect Bush by any means possible.
On t' mornin' o' t' Inauguration a small group o' Sharks met on t' outskirts of t' Capitol t' initiate their dastardly plan. However, me hearties, while they were skilled word-benders, their talents at makin' functionin' explosive devices were lacking. T' premature detontation o' t' device ended their attempt and infuriated t' people. Around t' world lawyers were hunted down and jailed...or worse.
In justifiable fear for their lives t' remainin' lawyers fled t' t' stars where they soon took over several o' t' young colonies.
Thus began Law Wars..............
 Orbital Photo o' a DuMarine Anti-Matter Mark IV Planet Buster enterin' t' crust o' the Law Colony Blackstone |
Excerpt from Janes "All t' Galaxy's Space
Craft"
T' QM-I8U Planetary Attack Bomber
Manufacturer: Mammoth Cannonball Works
Length: 180 M
Diameter: 9.6 M
Drive: Allison-Izuzu Starburst. Warp 11 capable
Weapons:
Beam: Eight Ion pulse cannon mounted on fin tips for convergence aiming.
Boost: Two DuMarine Anti-Matter Mark IV Planet Buster.
Editors Comment: When JAGSC asked t' designer about t' neccessity for
two planet busters, ya bilge rat, Mammoth Missle Works Chief Designer J. Avast! Well, blow me down! Dorsett replied
"We are talkin' about a planet full of lawyers here...So as
Saint Ripley says 'It's t' only way t' be sure' "
Buildin' t' QM-I8U
Essential Modifications
BT: Cut off t' end which is slotted, this will become t' front o' t' model. Avast!
Fins: Cut off t' slot tabs.
Mountin' t' fins.
Center two o' t' fin mountin' lines on t' center o' t' vent hole. Then glue and fillet t' fins in place. T' edge o' t' fin which was the trailin' edge in t' orginal kit is now t' root edge. Harden with CA
Motor Mount. Build as per usual, matey, me hearties, glue in place with a 1/4" reveal. Arrr! Blimey!
Glue t' main nose cone in place and glue in vent tubes.
Side pods.
Cut discs out o' t' card stock t' make a aft bulkhead. T' aft o' the pod be t' shorter side past t' vent hole. Glue t' shock cord t' the center o' t' discs, then glue in place. Pour in a quantity o' epoxy to strengthen and seal. Then glue t' pod in place.
Glue t' launch lug on
Glue a piece o' Keelhaul®©™® thread into t' top o' t' nose cone. Attach this to t' shock cord.
Cut eight 1" lengths o' Dowel and round off t' tips...these are your pulse cannons:) Glue them t' either side o' t' fin tip.
Finish as you like. I suggest Black. As in "Black as a Lawyers Heart".
After three weekends o' rain,and a mysteriously canceled launch, I took t' QM-I8U model out t' a local school yard. I had thought t' modelwould be best flown on a C6-5. However, arrr, t' small size o' t' field made that impractical. Rummaging through me range box I found a B6-4.
Which turned out t' be a perfect choice. T' model boosted relitively straight with only a slight weathercockin' into t' slight wind. Shortly after apogee, ya bilge rat, arrr, t' ejection charge kicked off. Since t' gasses were turnin' a corner, shiver me timbers, I did nay use wadding, matey, ya bilge rat, and t' chutes did nay suffer for it.
One parachute completely deployed, t' other hung up. It was still a safe recovery, with only two Ion Cannons broken off. They will be repaired shortly at t' Mammoth Dry Dock.
I repacked t' chutes and found t' reason why only one chute fully deployed. T' nose cone o' t' pod that had t' hung chute was slightly sticky! I later sanded t' inside a little, shiver me timbers, ya bilge rat, but it was too dark t' see if this would correct t' sitution.
I hope t' fly t' model againsoon, shiver me timbers, arrr, and I will see if this changes t' picture. Aye aye!
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